Random Thoughts - Lessons from 'Don't say UM'

 

Among all the podcast cycles I listen to, Brad McKay’s “The Art of Manliness” is one of my favorites. Brad is skilled in many ways, but his approach to questioning the experts he invites on the show provides practical insights you can implement in your ongoing journey to become a better man. For instance, in one of his latest podcasts featuring Michael Chad Hoeppner, the author of “Stop Saying ‘Um,’” I gleaned some valuable nuggets that I want to share here.

 

Michael discusses the concept of creating a virtuous cycle. To illustrate this, he compares looking through binoculars, where your left hand resembles the letter ‘C,’ and your outer right hand appears as a capital ‘D.’ He suggests talking as a blend of content and delivery, where joining your hands forms a reinforcing loop. Pausing to breathe, embracing silence, and enhancing your voice’s vocal variety by expressing your content’s emotions through precise enunciations can significantly improve your delivery. When your delivery is strong, you sound better and project confidence and empathy, boosting your self-belief.

 

Michael argues that talking is a physical act, much like any sport or physical activity. It takes about 100 muscles to perform this miracle that we often take for granted. The more intentionally we warm up and practice, the better we become at delivery, whether in first meetings, on dates or when speaking to teams or large crowds. One quote that resonated with me was when he said: “Talking is just a series of decisions. It is a flowchart of words where your brain performs the miracle of choosing one word after another and assembling them into a system that can be meaningful, powerful, and persuasive to others. So embrace that decision-making process you engage in all day, and don’t shy away.”

 

In his book, Michael presents practical exercises, such as using a Lego during your delivery to help you tolerate silence, be concise, and eliminate fillers like ‘um’ or ‘does that make sense’ (something I often do from my teaching/professor days). Instead of rushing through your ideas, slow down before picking up the

next Lego brick. With our world shifting to audio communication through Zoom meetings, he suggests another exercise: walking your fingers across the table while delivering your idea, pausing, and then walking them back. These practices can prevent you from rambling and help create meaningful conversations.

 

Michael also emphasizes how focusing on enunciation can benefit us by encouraging a slower pace. This idea is not new; it dates back to ancient Greece. The orator Demosthenes practiced by placing round pebbles in his mouth, a technique noted by the historian Herodotus. You can replicate this by using a wine cork or a toothbrush on the side of your mouth, ensuring every syllable is clear and pronounced, even with the impediment in your mouth.

 

Another tool that actors and voice actors use is tongue twisters. I used to enjoy them in high school without realizing that voice specialists utilize tongue twisters as warm-up exercises, like the examples below.

 

Making eye contact, reading cues, and gathering feedback are crucial in conversations and when addressing teams or crowds. Observe individuals in the audience and try to elicit nonverbal cues to determine whether your message resonates. Shift your focus to different people throughout the room. In large audiences, making eye contact with everyone is unnecessary—if you’re speaking to thousands, that would be impossible. However, your communication naturally strengthens by connecting with individuals in various sections. Eye contact enhances engagement and makes your message more impactful.